SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Sleep Coach. I'm your host, Shelly Simpson. If you're exhausted, but your mind won't shut off at night, you're in the right place. Each week, we'll unpack the science of sleep, hormones, and the nervous system so you can understand what's happening in your body and finally get the rest you deserve. Here we quiet the 3 a.m. mind, calm the body, and help you finally get the sleep you've been missing. Welcome back to the Sleep Coach Podcast. If you've ever found yourself drinking chamomile tea, taking magnesium, turning on a sleep meditation, maybe spraying lavender on your pillow, and still staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., then this episode is for you. Today we're talking about why your nighttime routine may not be working, even if you're doing all the things social media tells you to do. Because here's what most people get wrong. Sleep doesn't begin when your head hits the pillow. Sleep begins hours before that. And if your brain and nervous system haven't received the right signals throughout the evening, then no amount of sleepy tea or essential oils can override biology. And don't get me wrong, I love me some essential oils. I use them every single day. Yeah, so essential oils are king in my eyes, but that's not the end all be all. So let's talk about why your brain actually needs what it needs in order to transition into restorative sleep. Many women think if I just find the right supplement, the right sleep app, or the right bedtime routine, I'll finally fall asleep. But sleep isn't something you force. It's sleep is something your body allows. And think about it this way: you don't make your heart beat, you don't make your digestive system digest food, and you don't force yourself to sleep. Sleep occurs when your brain receives enough signals that it's safe to power down. And the key word here is safe because your brain's number one job isn't sleep, it's survival. If your brain perceives stress, danger, uncertainty, overwhelm, or even constant stimulation, it prioritizes alertness over sleep. Let's talk about your nervous system for a minute. Throughout the day, your body shifts between two primary states. And we've already talked about this in previous episodes. Your sympathetic and your parasympathetic. We've talked about this previously. Again, your sympathetic nervous system is often called your fight or flight, and the parasympathetic nervous system is often called the rest and digest. The sympathetic system is designed to keep you alert, focused, and prepared to respond to challenges. The parasympathetic system supports recovery, digestion, healing, and sleep. So, what's the problem? Many women spend the entire day operating in a low-grade stress response. They wake up and immediately check emails, or they just have to open up that notification from Facebook or Instagram or TikTok or whatever. It's just like, oh my gosh, I got to find out what's going on. I can't wait. I got to just pick up my phone as soon as I hop out of bed before I even hop in the shower. Let's check social media. Yeah, no, wrong. They rush to work, they multitask, they care for everyone else, they solve the problems all day long, scroll through stressful news. Then at 9:30 p.m., they expect their brain to instantly switch into sleep mode. That's like driving 80 miles per hour and expecting the car to stop immediately without touching the brakes. Your nervous system needs a transition. Sleep is not an on-off switch, it's a dimmer switch. So, what happens in the brain before sleep? Your brain has a natural sleep-wake system called the circadian rhythm. This internal clock helps regulate your hormones throughout the day. So in the morning, cortisol rises to help you wake up. And contrary to popular belief, cortisol isn't bad. It's necessary. You need healthy cortisol levels in the morning. As evening approaches, cortisol should gradually decrease. Meanwhile, here comes melatonin, and then that should be increasing. Melatonin is often called the sleep hormone, but it's really more of a timing hormone. It tells the brain that nighttime has arrived. The problem is many of our modern habits confuse this process. For instance, bright lights, phones, television, screens, screens, and more screens, stress, late night work, late night eating, and all of these signals send mixed messages to the brain. All of those things, which may be good at some point in time during the day when they're not in excess, they're not all bad. They're just not at the right time. Then they're sending that mixed message to the brain. So it's like trying to convince your brain it's bedtime while simultaneously telling it it's noon. So let's talk about some of the common things people try: magnesium, melatonin, sleep teas, white noise, meditation apps. And don't get me wrong, these are absolutely helpful tools. I take magnesium every single night before I go to bed. I have a sound machine that I have next to my bed. I even travel with my sound machine. If I go somewhere, if I'm on vacation, whatever, I take my sound machine with me. No, no lie. But they're not magic. It's if your nervous system is highly activated, a supplement isn't going to override that. So imagine trying to lower the volume on a blaring concert speaker just by one click. And that's what many sleep hacks are trying to do. The bigger question is what's keeping the volume so high in the first place? That's where sleep improvement happens. Now, the hidden reasons your nighttime routine isn't working. You're starting too late. Many people begin their sleep routine 15 minutes before bed, but your brain needs much longer than that. Think about the hour or two before bed as like a runway. The longer the runway, the smoother the landing. If you've been working, scrolling, answering emails, or dealing with stressful conversations right up until bedtime, your brain hasn't had a time to decelerate. You're mentally busy, even if you're physically tired. This is especially common in women, navigating perimenopause and menopause. Your body feels exhausted, but your brain feels wide awake. You get into bed and suddenly remember, oh gosh, that email. I forgot to send that email. Daddy even send it. I mean, it's sitting out there on Outlook, and oh my gosh, I forgot to hit send. The bill you need to pay. Oh my gosh, am I late? The doctor's appointment you didn't schedule or didn't even go to, you forgot about it. The grocery list, the thing your teenager said earlier, or your adult child said to you earlier that you're just, oh my gosh, really? The conversation you that well, you wish I'd gone differently. The brain loves unfinished loops. When your head finally gets quiet, those thoughts rush in to fill the space. This is one reason many women say, I'm tired, but I can't shut my brain off. You're treating sleep as a nighttime problem. This may be the biggest mistake of all. Sleep is actually a daytime behavior. Your stress levels during the day affect sleep. Your movement affects sleep. Your light exposure affects sleep. Your caffeine timing affects sleep. Your nutrition affects sleep. Your emotional regulation affects sleep. And a nighttime routine can support sleep. But it can't completely compensate for what happened during the other 16 hours of your day. Let's talk about what I encourage clients to focus on instead and what actually works better. First of all, not perfection, not complicated routines, just consistent signals that tell the brain we are safe. We are slowing down now, and we're preparing for sleep. Signal number one: dim the environment. About one to two hours before bed, start to lower your light exposure. Think about dimming your lights, dimming the lamps, no overhead lighting or reduce your overhead lighting. Decrease your screen brightness. And if you must be on a screen, then maybe try some blue blockers or something to that effect. This helps support your natural melatonin production. Signal number two, create mental closure. Spend about five minutes writing down what you got done today, what still needs attention tomorrow, maybe any worries or concerns that you are still floating in your head. So just, you know, have a few minutes just to have a little journal beside you, or, you know, even if it's like right on your bedside table. So this gives the brain permission to stop rehearsing everything overnight. Just take those few moments to jot some things down and get it out of your brain. Signal number three is to calm the body. Maybe some gentle stretching, some breathing exercises, like a you know, the box breathing where you're breathing in four, holding for four, exhale for four and then hold another four. Or another exercise, breathing exercise that I teach my clients is called the five-five-seven breath. You breathe in for five, hold the breath for five, and then slowly exhale for seven. Also, you could think about maybe some light yoga or restorative yoga poses. Uh, maybe even like a child's pose uh where you're just laying there and just relaxing. I love child pose, it totally relaxes me. Maybe a warm shower. So these activities help activate the parasympathetic nervous system and they communicate safety to the brain. Signal number four consistency beats perfection. One of the most powerful sleep habits is maintaining a relatively consistent bedtime and wake time. Your brain loves predictability. So when sleep schedules constantly change, your internal clock struggles to know when to prepare for sleep. And what women in midlife need to understand is if you're in periodopause or menopause, sleep can become even more challenging. That fluctuating estrogen and progesterone levels affect your body temperature, your mood, your stress resilience, melatonin production, and your overall sleep quality. This means your sleep challenges are not simply about willpower. These are physiological changes occurring. The good news is that supporting the nervous system becomes even more important during this phase of life. The goal isn't to create a perfect nighttime routine, the goal is to create conditions that help your brain feel safe enough to sleep. If today's episode resonated with you, I want you to remember one thing. Your nighttime routine isn't failing because you're doing it wrong. It may simply be focusing on the wrong thing. Sleep isn't about forcing unconsciousness, it's about helping the brain and nervous system transition from a state of alertness into a state of restoration. This week, instead of adding another sleep supplement or another sleep gadget, ask yourself what am I doing during the last two hours before bed that signals safety, calm, and recovery to my brain? Because sometimes the most effective sleep strategy isn't adding more, it's creating more space for your nervous system to unwind. Thank you for joining me on the Sleep Coach podcast. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend who says, I'm exhausted, but I just can't sleep. And until next time, remember, better sleep starts long before bedtime. Thank you for spending this time with me today. Be sure to hit follow so you don't miss what's coming next week. And before you go today, would you do me a quick favor? Please leave a rating in review. Your support will help more women find the show. Remember, you're not broken. Your body just needs support. Until next time, keep calming the mind, supporting the body, and creating the conditions for better sleep. Sweet dreams.