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Welcome to the Sleep Coach. I'm your host, Shelly Simpson. If you're exhausted but your mind won't shut off at night, you're in the right place. Here we talk about sleep, but we also talk about everything that affects it. Hormones, gut health, stress, emotions, and the many interesting surprises that come with being a woman in midlife. And today's episode is going to be a little different. We've covered some deeper topics lately, including emotional regulation and what poor sleep can do to the midlife brain. So today I thought we deserved something a little lighter. We're going to talk about some of the strange, surprising, and occasionally ridiculous facts about menopause. Because sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is to learn what's happening in our bodies. And sometimes we just need to laugh about the fact that we walked into the kitchen, forgot why we were there, and then blame someone else for moving something that was directly in front of us. Grab your coffee, your water, your tea, or whatever you're drinking, and your reading glasses that you've been looking for. Oh, and by the way, look on the top of your head because they're probably sitting right there. And let's get started. Fact number one, menopause is technically only one day. Here's something I didn't realize for a long time. Menopause isn't actually the entire five, seven, or 10-year hormonal adventure. Technically, menopause is the point reached after you've gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual period, assuming there isn't another medical explanation. So the years leading up to that day are called perimenopause. The years after that day are postmenopause. So menopause essentially is only a one-day milestone that we can only identify by looking backward. It's like your body throws you an anniversary party but waits an entire year to tell you what you were celebrating. And during perimenopause, periods may become longer, shorter, heavier, lighter, or less predictable. In other words, your menstrual cycle stops using a calendar and begins operating more like an airline during a thunderstorm, delayed, unexpected, possibly canceled, but you're never gonna be completely sure when you get there. So today's unofficial menopause proverb is never trust to sneeze, a thermostat, or a period that appears to have retired. Fact number two, hot flashes are a thermostat problem, but the thermostat is in your brain. A hot flash isn't simply your body becoming a little warm. Changes in estrogen affect the temperature regulating system in the hypothalamus, which is the part of the brain that helps control body temperature. And during menopause transition, your comfortable temperature zone can become narrower. And the very small temperature change can cause your brain to respond as though you have suddenly been dropped into the center of the Sahara Desert. Your blood vessels widen, you begin sweating, your heart may beat faster, and then suddenly you're removing clothing with the speed and determination of a firefighter responding to an emergency. Then five minutes later, you're cold. So you put everything back on. Then you're hot again. Then you're cold again. Then you're hot again. The struggle is real. This is why dressing in layers during menopause isn't a fashion choice. It's an evacuation plan. And night sweats are simply hot flashes that arrive while you're trying to sleep because apparently they have no respect for office hours. They can wake you directly, or the heat and sweating can just completely disrupt your sleep and without you necessarily even remembering that you were awake. Which means you may wake up tired, irritated, and then wondering why your partner appears to have slept through an event that felt like a small volcanic eruption to you. Fact number three: hot flashes may stick around longer than we were once told. For years, women were often given the impression that hot flashes would last a year or two and then quietly disappear. That is not always the case. One long-term study found that among women who experienced frequent hot flashes or night sweats, the median total duration was about 7.4 years. Median meaning half experienced them for less time and half experienced them for longer. For some women, symptoms lasted considerably longer, especially when they began earlier in the menopause transition. Seven years. That's not a phase. That's practically a committed relationship. You can meet a hot flash, date it, move in together, and still be waiting for it to pack his bags. But this does not mean every woman will have frequent symptoms for seven years. Menopause experiences vary enormously. Some women have mild symptoms. Some have symptoms that significantly disrupt sleep and daily life. Some have very few symptoms at all, which is wonderful for them. And we're happy for them in a most mature and emotionally regulated way possible. Not.

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Or you walk upstairs with just this wonderful determination, and you get upstairs and you're like, wait, why am I up here?

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I like to think of it this way: the information is probably still in your brain. Your brain has simply just changed the filing system without notifying management. Occasional forgetfulness can be part of this transition, particularly when sleep is poor. But significant or worsening memory changes should never automatically be blamed on menopause. If something feels unusual or it's affecting your ability to function, bring it up with your health care provider. Fact number five, menopause can affect far more than your period. Many women expect hot flashes, night sweats, and irregular periods. Then menopause begins introducing symptoms that seem to have wandered in from an entirely different department. Some women notice changes in sleep, mood, concentration, joint comfort, headaches, skin, hair, digestion, vaginal or urinary health, sexual discomfort or desire, and the way their body responds to stress. This is one reason women can spend years treating symptoms separately without anyone connecting the dots. You may see one doctor about sleep, another about anxiety, someone else about joint pain, and then possibly do a search engine two o'clock in the morning about why your left elbow suddenly feels 93 years old. Not every symptom in midlife is caused by menopause. That distinction matters. Thyroid conditions, anemia, sleep apnea, medication effects, depression, and other health conditions, they can overlap with the symptoms that are commonly associated with menopause. So yes, listen to your body, but please don't let social media or TikTok or Instagram diagnose it. Yes, Instagram and TikTok and Facebook, while they can have many talents, I could go down a rabbit hole with that, the whole social media thing, but I won't. But performing a complete medical evaluation, yeah, that's not one of them. Fact number six poor sleep can turn the volume up on everything else. If you've listened to this podcast for a while, you knew sleep was going to find its way into this conversation. Poor sleep can make concentration mood and emotional regulation more difficult. That means when you have a night of poor sleep or disrupted sleep, that means a night of disrupted sleep may not create every menopause symptom, but it can make your existing symptoms feel just harder to manage. So let's say you've had a decent night's sleep and an inconvenience occurs. Well, that inconvenience will just feel like just an inconvenience. But after a few nights of poor sleep, that same inconvenience, yeah, it feels like a personal attack. Someone leaves a spoon in the sink, and then suddenly you're standing in the kitchen mentally reviewing every unequal household contribution since 2003. The spoon is rarely just the spoon. Sometimes the reaction is connected to your hormones. Maybe it's connected to stress. Sometimes it's just because you're exhausted and you have used your final ounce of patience trying to remember. Yeah, another password. This isn't an excuse for treating people poorly, but it is useful information. Before judging yourself for being irritable or overwhelmed or emotional, remember, check your capacity. Have you slept? Do you need something to eat? Has your blood sugar dropped? Maybe, and you just need to eat a snack. Are you just carrying too much? Do you need maybe just a few minutes without someone asking you where an item is before actually looking for it? And then you go looking for it and find it in 0.5 seconds flat. We're always the one to find everything. Awareness gives us an opportunity to respond differently. And perhaps it even prevents an innocent spoon from becoming the symbol of everything wrong with society. Fact number seven: humans aren't the only species that experience menopause. Here is one of my favorite menopause facts. Humans are not alone. Researchers have identified menopause in five species of toothed whales, including killer whales, false killer whales, beluga, I'm not sure if I'm saying that right, narwhal, and short-finned pilot whales. Scientists believe the long post-reproductive lives of these females may allow them to support their families and pass along valuable knowledge without competing reproductively with the younger females. In killer whale communities, the older females can help guide the group and share knowledge about finding food. So basically, menopause may help create wise female leaders who improve the survival of the whole family. Which means that from an evolutionary perspective, a woman in midlife isn't becoming less useful. She may be entering her wise orca era. She has experience. She can recognize danger. She knows where the resources are. And she's increasingly less interested in participating in unnecessary nonsense. Fun fact also that I'm gonna also add into this is that estrogen is a people-pleasing hormone. And as your body starts to, as the estrogen starts to decline in your body, you start to become less tolerant of nonsense, drama, stupidity, and people pleasing. You just kind of come into this era of like, I don't have time for this. I don't care. Please go away from me. But honestly, it's such a beautiful system. So the takeaway, menopause can be uncomfortable, confusing, and sometimes disruptive. But it can also be a season when women begin paying closer attention to what they need and become more willing to ask for it, like more rest, more strength, more honest conversations, more support, more attention to their health, and fewer obligations accepted simply because someone asked nicely. If your body currently feels as though it's changing the rules without sending you the updated handbook, you're not alone. You're not broken, and you're not imagining what you're experiencing. And you haven't suddenly become bad at handling life. Your body is just moving through a significant biological transition while you are still expected to work, care for people, remember appointments, prepare meals, answer emails, and act completely normal while your internal temperature changes by approximately 400 degrees without someone giving you the memo. Give yourself some grace. Ask questions, get support when symptoms interfere with your health or quality of life. And remember today's final unofficial menopause proverb. You're not falling apart. You are simply undergoing renovations while the building is still open. Thank you for spending these few moments with me today. And if this episode made you laugh or reminded you of another woman who is currently living in her wise orca era, send it to her. And make sure you follow the sleep coach so you don't miss the next episode. Until next time, take care of yourself, protect your sleep, and become the strong, wise woman you were always meant to be. Thank you for spending this time with me today. Be sure to hit follow so you don't miss what's coming next week. And before you go today, would you do me a quick favor? Please leave a rating in review. Your support will help more women find the show. Remember, you're not broken. Your body just needs support. Until next time, keep calming the mind, supporting the body, and creating the conditions for better sleep. Sweet dreams.